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Parents Job Description: Hilarious

Parents Job Description: Hilarious

finger family
Being a parent is the toughest role of all but let’s be fair, it is also the most rewarding. You don't get any advance training for it, there's no pay or holiday allowance but yet millions of folk each year accept the position!

Here's a parenting job description. It’s hysterical. If it had been presented this way before we had kids, how many of us would have applied for the position! In truth – all of us, but it’s still very funny!

Mom, Mommy, Mammy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pop

  • Long term, energetic team players needed, for challenging permanent work in a busy and often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
  • Successful candidates are given a few hours sleep per night for the first few years increasing to more as you remain in the position. Even during sleeping time, successful candidates should be able to wake up and resume normal duty at a seconds notice.
  • There are 'bathroom breaks' permitted but these will be accompanied by small people. Be prepared to answer any questions they may ask while doing this task.
  • Some overnight travel required, including trips to basic camping sites accompanied by large responsibility on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway towns and villages. Travel expenses will never be reimbursed. Extensive and repetitive courier duties also required.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs a fiver. Must be willing to bite your tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a lion and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small toy repair and stubborn zips. Must maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and an embarrassment the next. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the building.

None required. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

None! You pay! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when clients they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. The strangest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life. There is one day per year allocated for you (it is marked in the calendar as Mother's Day or Father’s Day)
  • Ability to get through the day on less than three hours' sleep (please note sleep will likely be broken up)
  • Proficient in the alphabet (preferably an ability to sing it)
  • Ability to carry out repetitive tasks without complaint
  • Expert at one handed tasks.
  • Fluency in nursery rhymes and be flexible to touch heads, shoulders, knees and toes!
  • Have a fond love of cold tea
  • Detailed knowledge of all Disney characters
  • Knowledge of all the words to 'Let it Go'
  • Ability to stay silent and composed upon stepping on Lego barefoot
  • As you progress you will become proficient in the skills required to find objects that no one else can
  • You will become an expert in conflict resolution
  • You will advance in your levels of patience
All interested applicants please send your CVs to: LOL@LOL.LOL