Having an adult child and one that lives with you can come with its challenges, especially if your child is still attending school.
Don’t the years just fly by once you become parents? Suddenly, your tiny baby is now a teenager and then finally, an adult.
Having an adult child and one that lives with you can come with its challenges, especially if your child is still attending school. Like a lot of Leaving Cert students, they tend to be older after completing Transition Year.
This means some parents are faced with having an adult child in 6th year and an adult who thinks they know it all. If your child is heading to college, the same rules apply.
If you advise your child against drinking during the week because of study, you’ll probably be met with some sullen looks. It is expected that you’ll get the ‘I’m an adult now’ chat and herein lies a new problem – parenting an adult.
The truth is, you may have an adult child (technically) but you are probably still paying for their education and care. This often causes issues, as though your child will consider themselves to be able to care for themselves, they won’t be and will still need more time before they are totally self-sufficient.
This situation isn’t ideal, and it is hard to pit yourself against your child and you will find yourselves butting heads for a significant amount of time. It is understandable, but it doesn’t make the process any easier.
Let’s be straight here - you and your child are both in a difficult situation, as the parent wants to assert themselves while the child wants the same. Considering the other’s position is hard for a child and an adult, however, you must learn to reach a common ground.
You may find your child is being petty or silly whereas your child will think that of you. They want to be an adult and the person standing in their way is you!
Some tips for you to take from this:
- Find a way to respect each other and most importantly, respect your child’s newfound position as an adult.
- Forget about trying to influence or dominate your child as they may have found their own way and don’t need your input. They will come to you for advice if you don’t push them away, and while you may not agree with everything your child does you will need to realise that they are older now and have their own life.
- Your home is still your home and if your child is disrespecting your home this is a whole other problem - and not a good one. Arguments will manifest and cause a lot of disruption to any home and if there are other siblings in the home this is not ideal.
- Talk to your newly adult child and try and find a way to work together and respect one another. Have rules, but try and bend them a little for your child’s new age and try not to badger them with questions all the time. Leave them room to grow and keep them on side so that when they do need you, you can be there for them