Being a first-time mam is hard, there are no two ways about it. When you are first expecting, the trepidation, excitement, hormones and natural instincts to nest and provide for your offspring catch you unawares. You are surprised at how mature and organised you are for this big life change that’s coming.
When you hold your baby for the first time in your arms, the love, shock, excitement, awe and confusion kicks in all at once. Did you really just do that? Did you really just grow and birth an entire human being who you instinctively already know?
You know the bones of them in your soul, the grip of their hand to your finger is familiar; the shape of their feet is... perfect. You know them. They are your family.
And then they cry and you panic because you don’t want to let them down. You want them to trust that you’ve got their back and you know what to do - but you’re not sure because you are a new mam.
You don’t have all the answers and you are tired and so you feel guilty that you didn’t read enough, or go to as many classes as you could have, or maybe asked a few more questions.
But you try a few things and you work it out. Your baby is fine and settled on your chest and you are relieved again. A bit more exhausted than yesterday but you got through another challenging piece to this new motherhood life.
You get everyone dressed and out for a walk in the fresh air and maybe will pick up a coffee on the way. You struggled with the buggy and the door to the café and the dog just wouldn’t stop barking outside the entire time because she doesn’t like having her lead tied to the pole. It’s really stressful but someone in the queue helps with the door on the way out and you feel relieved to know you are not invisible.
The coffee and the fresh air helps and your beautiful baby continues to nap for twenty more minutes when you get home. There is silence and a golden opportunity to sit in the silence and just be. But your guilty conscience is telling you to get up and clean something, make something for dinner, organise the baby photos into a frame.
And you can, if you like, if that’s what will make you happy. You could also just sit there and tell yourself ten great things that you did as a new mammy today. Applaud yourself, give yourself a pat on the back, eat some chocolate!
You are doing a great job. New mammies, you got this x