How To Get The Spark Back In Your Relationship When It's Been A While

It has happened to most of us. At the beginning of a relationship, you can’t keep your hands off one another, but as the relationship progresses and you start to have babies that sexy spark can easily fizzle out. 

We can totally relate. Work, kids and house duties take up all of our time and you and your partner end up like two ships in the night. 

Signs you are in a sexual rut can include:

  • Infrequent sex (or no sex at all).
  • Only one partner is initiating sex.
  • Sex is not as enjoyable as it once was.

But it is possible to get back to that fun and sexy phase with your partner all over again.

First, you need to stop thinking sex should always be spontaneous and easy. Sometimes it takes work. It takes an effort to stay on top of all aspects of a healthy relationship - sex included. 

Once you are both committed to making an effort, it can all feel much easier quite quickly.

Here are some small changes you can make to get that spark back into the relationship when it has been a while:

Go on a date

One thing that added to the sexual chemistry at the beginning of a relationship is dating. The excitement of going to a new restaurant or a gig. The butterflies you felt to be out and doing something spontaneously. Go on a date (and yes you should schedule it). 

Couple looking at eachother.
Hugging, kissing, holding hands and even sitting together on the couch in the evenings can help you reconnect with your partner.

Don’t forget the little things

Hugging, kissing, holding hands and even sitting together on the couch in the evenings. Over time we can forget how these minuscule things can really help us to feel connected even amidst our hectic lives.

Reconnect when you reunite

Most of us have busy lives. Because of this, your relationship can quite easily start to feel more platonic than intimate, especially if you are both working and spending the day together.

When you or your partner come home from work, try to stop what you are doing and have a kiss or a hug. Ask them how they are. It only takes a few minutes but will help you both feel reconnected again. 

Forget "perfect"

Try to forget the expectation that you or your partner must be perfect. Accept each other for who you are and realize that no relationship and no person is perfect.

What matters most is that you are consistent in your commitment to each other and making your relationship the best version it can be. If you are in the wrong, say sorry and if your partner is, forgive them and move on. 

Laura Doyle

Mum of four, Gentle parent living on coffee and trying always to stay positive and motivate in the midst of the madness.

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