Though it is known that some arguments are healthy and normal there is a fine line between a discussion to an outright row over silly things.
Arguing in front of your kids is never advised as some kids will take those brief moments of lashing out as a sign that their parents aren’t getting along. Though it is known that some arguments are healthy and normal there is a fine line between a discussion to an outright row over silly things.
Last year Fern Britton said that she thought it is healthy for children to see their parents argue as it showed a child that relationships are troublesome at times and she went on to say kids need to see the “real” life. Of course, there will always be arguments in relationships as no two people are the same. Most parents would admit that once they had kids their relationship was instantly tested. Children add another stress to a relationship and while it isn’t purposely, kids cause friction from behaving badly or not sleeping well.
People usually take out their grievances on those closest to them and when at home it can become the norm to argue or row with your partner and if the kids are looking in, it may cause them some stress. Secondly it proves to them, that not unlike them, you are not able to control your emotions and feelings. If you are becoming aggressive with words this can send a message to your child that verbal abuse is ok. Arguing is never rational and parents should show their child how to be rational and behave as so. Losing the rag is done on impulse but it has its long-term effects if a person is being attacked verbally or emotionally.
Depending on the type of argument you are having, ask yourself, is it something your child needs to hear? Money troubles are not fit for little one’s ears as kids should remain young and not have worries till at least adulthood. Isn’t that what we want for our children? There is no need for them to saturate themselves in adult problems.
That isn’t to say that petty arguments are an issue, kids will not be bothered if mam and dad are doing a little biting if it isn’t vindictive or damaging to the people involved. Kids will learn from their parents and once again watching their loved ones exhibit despicable behaviour will teach them the wrong way. They may not be able to form friendships that last if they constantly get aggressive over simple things or if your child is unable to deal with negativity and lashes out.
A few tips to remember and consider…
- Is a fight with your partner worth it right now? Can it wait till later?
- Kids are sensitive and will become upset if their parents are shouting at one another.
- Would you want your child to copy your behaviour? Would you not have words with your child is he/she copied your methods and tore strips off a pal?
- Remaining calm when stressed is key. Get a stress ball, meditate or go for a walk but refuse to be drawn into battles that the kids do not need to be a part of.
- Or just leave it till the kids are in bed and hash it out quietly!
Written by Emma Hayes, staff writer with Family Friendly HQ