Don't you just wish that sometimes your children knew when to zip it
- Standing in line to pay for your weekly shopping when your little darling turns to the cash attendant and asks them why they have a sad face. The person is clearly having a bad day and your child continues to shout “sad face. Sad face” over and over. Well if it wasn't sad before it is now.
- You've been invited over to your cousins house for lunch. She has put together a beautiful spread and has gone to a huge effort for you and your child. She leaves the room to get some water and you make the huge mistake of telling your five year old that the reason you are not eating the two salads is because you hate onions. Thankfully your cousin has not noticed and it has been quite subtle. Moments later your child turns to your cousin and tells her that “That Food Makes Mammy Feel Sick So She Won't Eat It. She Thinks It Yocky”. Cue five minutes of over-explaining and awkwardness which results in you eating the bloomin' food in the end. Thanks Kid.
- The doorbell rings. It's the delivery driver and you turn to your husband and giggle as you tell him it's the chatty driver who will have you talking to him all day. As you sign for the delivery (and answer the many questions about the weather, summer holidays and dietary preferences) your son sternly tells the driver that “Daddy said don't talk to Mammy all day long”. The driver is clearly mortified. From that day on he simply gets you to sign the dotted line and the small talk well and truly ceases.
- A couple of friends are over for tea and you are discussing the Slimming Club you all attend. Your daughter asks you why you go and you tell her that it is to eat healthily and learn lots of new family recipes. Later that day you come across a cookery demonstration lady at the local supermarket. She is quite a large lady and is discussing “family recipes”. Your daughter sees this as an opportunity to tell the lady that “mammy said you should go to the slimming club”. There really was no way of talking yourself out of that one.
- You're human and happen to let off a little “windy popper” in the car which sends your son in to laughing hysterics. A few minutes later you are lodging a cheque at the bank. A very attractive bank worker greets you and says hello to the “little man” beside you. Little man declares, at the top of his voice that “Mammy do stinky fart again”. There were no words.
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