Things I never knew about kids till I had them!

Enjoy this funny parents account of what she's learned- any similarities?

Do you remember what it was like before you had children? And how you thought you knew what it was all about?! 
Sure how hard can it be I remember saying?! Of course I had been around kids and liked them but when I had my own, what a wake-up call! I had so many plans and perfect ideas that went ‘poof’ once my first born arrived! This is what I have learned:
Once you have a child all privacy goes out the window and nothing is sacred! You might as well leave the bathroom door wide open as they will walk in any way! You may try and escape to the loo but you will always get hunted down and found! Who doesn’t get the knock knock on the door “Mammy where are you, what are you doing”?
Children are messy monsters and leave trails of destruction around them, and don’t get me started on the eating? I know, I was the same when I was a baby, but more goes on the floor and the clothes than in their mouth! The little ones poop a lot too and it gets everywhere doesn’t it? As for potty training- I was not prepared for the puddles everywhere!
Escape Artists
They are escape artists and while they won’t let you go to the bathroom alone they think nothing of running away on the street! I invested in a set of reigns, it was the only way! There is nothing remotely fun about chasing a very energetic child through the supermarket with a full shopping trolley while they giggle with excitement! “Hide and seek Mammy- yey”!
Time Out
No matter how much I promised myself that after having kids I will still go the gym and keep up my healthy lifestyle, in my case it went to pot once our new bundle arrived! I figured who needed the gym when I am up and down the stairs with a toddler who doesn’t want to stay in bed?! It is so hard to find the time to keep up hobbies and interests after having kids. Before I had mine I judged my friends (with kids) who couldn’t make the cinema/ night out. Oh, I understand fully now.
Before I had kids I thought leaving them to watch T.V was so wrong. I thought – I’ll never do that! Now I think if it is just for a little while why not? I hate to say it but it gives me an hour to do my cleaning and catching up sometimes, and I can still play with the kids later then I’m game now!
My kids just love sweets, crisps and will do anything to get to them! Climbing is the preferred option to get to the biscuits and hanging there screaming when it all goes wrong! I now stock up on plenty of plasters, loads and loads. I need them!
I knew kids were expensive but my gosh, I didn’t realise how much till I bought the first months formula and nappies!  I thought - how can one little person need so much stuff? Walkers, bouncers, chairs, nappy changers and car seats the list goes on and on! I can’t wait until they hit the teens and want the latest (overly priced) gear!
My son is incredibly stubborn and flips out easily, there is no negotiating with him! It is all about bribery. If I want him to do something quickly and efficiently. He will roar and shout and literally throw himself on the ground if he doesn’t get his own way! I personally have a stash of jellies in my bag for the shopping trips, they can be incredibly helpful in an emergency!
When all that is said and done, I didn’t know these things about kids before I had them and without a shadow of a doubt, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Yes I am always tired and sometimes stressed and cranky, but I love them unconditionally and whatever trouble they get into and mayhem they cause- that doesn't change. It’s worth every bit of it for their big buckets of unconditional love x


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