Dearest Firstborn. I am sorry

This is a letter to my firstborn to apologize. I didn't have a clue!

To my darling first born. I’m sorry x

The job of a first born parent is so hard because at the start you really haven’t the faintest idea what you are up to!

It took ages to distinguish between the different baby cries. Remember trying to figure out the difference between the "I'm hungry" cry, the "I'm tired" cry, and the "I just want to have a cry" cry?
I must have read ten parenting books during my pregnancy. I attended an antenatal and a breastfeeding class but once I became knee high in nappies – it all went out the window! Maybe I can blame the three hours’ sleep a night I was getting- yes that's what it was! Well that’s my story then and I am sticking to it!
You know I think it's safe to say that a lot of new parents have no idea what they're doing. It really is a learn-on-the-job role except with with no boss to guide you. The words trial and error now make a lot of sense.
So I need to take a little time out to say sorry to my first born because let me tell you when it came to the second time around I was so much better at this mothering gig!  So here it goes my love:
  • Sorry I didn’t feed you enough and you lost weight in your first few weeks.
  • Sorry for thinking that if I kept you awake all day that you would sleep through the night for me!
  • Sorry that the time you took your first steps that I clapped so loud and shouted with joy so much that I frightened the life out of you and you fell flat on your bum and cried!
  • Sorry for constantly picking you up – even when you were exhausted- so that I could cuddle you, instead of letting you sleep (you were just so cute!)
  • I’m sorry I fed you all that bland baby food – even if it was homemade.
  • Sorry for not listening to myself and having more self-confidence rather than listening to everyone’s advice.
  • I'm sorry for being a bit crazy and asking you at such a young age – “What! What is it you want?!”
  • I’m sorry that I yelled. I cursed. I cried. Or I left you crying out thinking it was for your own good. It seemed so important at the time.
  • I’m sorry for dragging you to every stupid baby activity I could find. If the truth be told, I was desperate for adult interaction and you were an easy excuse.
  • Sorry that you were my guinea pig, but you’ve helped make me the mother that I am today and I hope I am doing an okay job now?
  • Sorry for all the sorry’ s. I feel like I owe them to you. That’s a lot for one kid, and I know that. 

You gave me the greatest gift possible. You made me a mum. In the most intense way possible! 

You are my first born. I love you and you will always be my baby.

Love mum x

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