One day I will become a version of her .
One day they will ring me with a question and expect me to have the answer.
One day I will be the one who knows what to say or do in almost any situation.
It is also something I never really gave much thought to until recently.
“Is this still OK to eat?” D asked as he lifted the tinfoil off the bacon. “It’s been there since yesterday, I should have put it into the fridge” I pondered as he smelled it. “Seems fine” he shrugged his shoulders. “Put it down, I’ll ring mammy”
D laughed, “I’d love to know how many of these phone calls poor Mi-Mi gets a week”
This got me thinking; how often do I ring my mammy and am I the only grown ass adult with children of her own who rings her mammy because ‘mammy will know’ ?
Come on ladies; we all do it, don’t we?
Child is sick - ring mammy to see if it’s GP visit, pharmacy visit or let it runs its course type sick. Honestly, I got the hospital visit down, I know not to ring her about that until we are settled in a room. Nothing worse than worrying mammy needlessly, there's not enough tae in the world to calm her until I ring with news, can’t be D to ring, it has to be me so she can hear that I am ok . (Bless her)
Child hurt foot - ring mammy to see if it's broken or sprained or if it's an emergency emergency or could it wait until Sunday morning A&E rather than Saturday drunken fuelled A&E.
Child wrecked favourite top ( your top of course, not theirs) - ring mammy to check if a dry clean can fix it, if it can be fixed it or is it time for the bin . Here is where my mammy is a tad different from the rest, she passes the phone to my daddy who will say “Bring it out to me Mac and I’ll see if I can fix it “ ( My daddy is a genius with the washing !)
I rip a top - I send a quick picture to mammy (thank the Lord for smart phones, describing a tear to mammy over the phone was always rather difficult ) who will inform me either to bring it out to Fher or bin it .
I’ve made a balls of the meat - ring mammy, describe what you were trying to do versus what you have done , (video call has made this task much simpler too ) , mammy will tell you how to fix it . It is important to note, not to ring mammy about this same issue within weeks, she doesn’t forget, give it a few months before tackling that same ‘adventurous’ meat dish again. As a side note --- keep your mammy up to date with technology, ‘tis dead handy sending pictures and having video calls instead of describing what you’ve fuc*ed up and need help with ! She is also less likely to lose her ‘cool’ as often or correct your grammar ...
You’re pissed off - ring mammy, she won’t be long telling you what’s what and making sure your perspective is in check , she will then pass the phone to daddy who will mock the living bejaysus out of you , making you laugh at yourself -- is this just my parents ? Seriously, can someone answer me? I think myself this is an Irish thing if not a global thing; your parents ripping the piss out of you for getting annoyed that your euro got stuck in an Aldi trolley while you tried to take it out you hit yourself in the face with an audience watching --never happened, that was just an example of the shit I ring about ...yep.
You want to bitch about your siblings - ring mammy to figure out if they got there first. Mammys are cute. I can never tell, so I say nothing of the argument. She coughs and asks when I last saw the said sibling..bamb she is onto us, she knows something , but does she actually know anything . “I am just saying, it’s between you two , leave me and daddy out of it , family is forever, that’s all I’ll say on the matter. I’ll see you all here Sunday. I want a nice relaxing day. I think (insert squabbling siblings name here ) is bringing a tart, and a little something for the boys. Now , have you any news? Let that be the end of it” You can’t win with that level of mammie-ness, you've got to finish the squabble and make sure said sibling didn’t ‘rat’ you out to mammy. Yes, yes , I used the word ‘rat’ and no, no I haven’t grown up when it comes to squabbles with my darling siblings , sure that’s ‘normal’ adult behaviour, ain’t it ?!
You can’t figure taxes, mortgages , insurances, assurances, all those adult forms, ring mammyshe will know. She will know what you need to fill them out, where to go to get help and how quickly you need to have them sorted by. Google really should be renamed ‘Mammy’ , let's be honest, there really isn’t much our wonderful smart ass (that could be just my mammy?) don’t know or can’t help with.
I am sick - ring mammy , just because, well she’s mammy. She will tell you to mind yourself and not to forget the lemsip and she will check in on you later . Daddy will be in the background asking me “have you made your will Mac, don’t forget your dear old daddy in it “ while my mother will scold him , I can hear the smile on her face but bless her she will still scold him for my sake.
So yes ,one day I will become a version of my mammy (and I’d like to think my daddy) My adult boys will ring me when they need...anything and absolutely everything. Yes it’s a huge task and one that is often thankless and seems to go unnoticed
So for you, all the mammies with grown up kids who plague you with ridiculous phone calls , (yet you ladies answer, which only encourages these calls further, FYI)
Thank you so much for the tips, tricks, advice, support and love , we promise we are trying to become adults , we are ,but sometimes it’s just nice to ‘Double Check with mammy’
Written by Ger Renton, who keeps us up to date on her family life with Ethan & co.
Ger won best newcomer 2016 at the Irish Blog Awards!
Follow her on facebook at "It’s me and Ethan"
and check out her amazing blog at geraldinerenton.com