If you have friends who are struggling with fertility troubles there are many things you shouldn’t say to them
Fertility troubles are becoming more talked about now and this is welcome as there is no reason for it to be a secret unless the people suffering from it decide to keep it so. If you have friends who are struggling with fertility troubles there are many things you shouldn’t say to them and while you may think you are being helpful sometimes less is more.
Here are some of the things you shouldn’t say and a few tips on helping your friends while they go through this difficult time.
“Relax, it will be fine”- You may think you are been helpful but for a couple who are struggling to get pregnant it is just plain rude. They probably have planned having kids for months or even years and have waited till this time to try. They probably assumed it would happen quickly and easily so relaxing isn’t an option for them right now.
“Just enjoy sleeping in”- Brushing aside their baby dreams is silly as when you are dreaming about having a baby you will not care if your baby sleeps or not! You are just so focused on having a little one to cuddle and love.
“Kids are little monsters anyway”- The thing is kids can be monsters but they are not monsters all the time and saying this is again rude. Everyone knows raising kids is hard but honestly it is the most rewarding thing you will ever do. Don’t dismiss that-ever.
“If it is meant to be it will be”- The sentiment is nice but not everyone believes in fate, some people think that crap things happen and that is it. Avoid saying this as why would not having a child ever be not the right path for anyone?
“You can always foster or adopt”- Too early to throw around ideas about fostering or adopting and it is best to wait if your friends mention it.
“Do you want to borrow some sperm or an egg?”- This is bad-mannered and while you may be joking it is not going to help your friends. They may already feel guilty for the problems and their relationship will already be under a lot of stress.
“Who is the problem?”- Most people when talking about infertility will say “We can’t get pregnant” and avoid blaming one person. If you ask this question you are amplifying the issue for the person who has the problem and could make them feel even more guilty. It isn’t anyone’s place to pass blame.
“You should try working out more”- Telling your friends to work out more isn’t going to be helpful as they are probably considering everything and have researched everything to do with getting pregnant long before you knew about this.
“You have plenty of time to get pregnant”- Do you remember when you wanted a baby? Do you remember the happiness of the pregnancy test and how you were delighted? Of course, we may have lots of time but if you want a baby it consumes you.
Be gentle and support your friends as they will need it x
Written by Emma Hayes, staff writer with Family Friendly HQ