Staying together for your kids’ sake? Reasons why you shouldn’t.
More and more couples are splitting up today than ever before. For whatever reason couples are separating or divorcing leaving the family unit not quite like it once was. Celebrities too, are getting in on it and you would have to be living under a rock not to notice the headlines every month regarding a well-known celeb announcing a separation and of course the obligatory “We will continue to put our child’s welfare ahead of anything else and will work together to ensure they are happy.” All very well and good but it isn’t long before mudslinging happens between these celebs and kids will be able to read about their parents in the news.
For us mere mortals though there is usually little, or no fuss (compared to celebrities’ front paper news) but the children are the one thing you should consider when splitting up. However, according to research done by York University, they found that while divorce is bad for children, the situation before parents separate can have a significant impact. Compared to children of parents that are together, kids of divorce according to research have 30pc worse non-cognitive skills involving behaviour, emotional issues and peer problems and perform about 20pc lower for cognitive skills like reading and maths.
Every parent would imagine that staying with your partner regardless of your feelings towards them would be of greater benefit to them, but this isn’t the case. Many children will pick up on the bad atmosphere, the arguments and the many disputes that can get out of hand. Observing argumentative behaviour can cause a child to become stressed, emotional and anxious. Children should grow in a loving environment and this cannot be the case if their parents are unloving towards one another even if they do their very best to conceal their conflicts.
As a child that personally watched her parents tear strips off one another I can honestly say that from my childhood, I am left with only bad memories though I am sure there were good times, they are marred with the bad like any normal brain can remember. It was obvious my parents didn’t love one another and their constant arguing, and berating took its toll on my sister and I. By the time they announced their separation and though we had to leave our home in the Middle East with friends that we adored, we felt relieved.
The arguments would end and the tip toeing around was finished. As children, we blame ourselves when parents argue, and my sister and I lived in a world where we strived to behave and not anger our parents out of a fear of their blazing rows. It was tiring, upsetting and devastating. It was unfair that we should have grown up in that unsettling situation for so long as my parents should have admitted what we all knew earlier; that the marriage was over.
It isn’t easy to walk away from a relationship nor is it wrong to consider your children but staying in a relationship that is dissolved for their sake is in no one’s benefit. A couple deserve a better life as do kids and consider that before you stay in an unloving relationship.
Written by Emma Hayes, staff writer at Family Friendly HQ