Are Phones Removing The Romance From Your Relationship?
The kids are in bed and you’ve lit some candles to create a nice ambience. The food is on its way and you’ve filled a glass of wine for each of you. There is music on in the background and it really is everything you could have hoped for at the end of a busy week. In the midst of the beautiful scene, you gasp...
“Kylie Jenner said what?”
“WHO scored an own goal?”
It’s just you, your partner and the two phones in your lives. Does this scene sound familiar?
Hands up who genuinely looks forward to the point in the evening when they have a minute to scroll through social media? Or a chance to actually read the Whatsapp group conversation you’ve been dipping in and out of all day? The truth is your children have seen your phone for more of the day then you have (don’t even mention that shark song) and it’s nice to have a minute to, you know, catch up. It’s fine though because your partner is the very same. Neither of you can have a go at the other person because the pair of you are in it. But does that make it OK?
We all know how important it is to spend time with the person you love, but do we ever give much thought to the phone that comes along too? We should be asking for a table for four because more often than not we do a lot more communicating with our phones than we do with our date. It’s fine though, we’re married, they get it. Right?
Your mobile phone devices could be causing a massive issue in your relationship and you may not even be aware. You might be so engrossed in the joy that the phone is giving you that you truly don’t feel like your relationship is lacking anything. The sad reality is that the phone is giving you the ups, downs and challenges that the relationship once did. This isn’t true for everyone but in my group of friends, it is a very common concern. You are so busy living everyone else’s life that you might just be missing your own.
Have you ever considered a “blackout night”? Just one night per week where you leave your phones in another room and actually communicate with each other. You might talk, watch a movie or just catch up on your day with a cup of tea – but you will be in it together. Have you ever watched a movie with your partner and noticed them laughing profusely and in that very moment you realize you’ve been caught out? It’s too late to throw in a fake laugh. The truth is you are half watching the movie but mostly scrolling through Instagram. I’ve been there and I do not recommend the delayed fake laugh as they will quiz you about the scene and it’ll be way worse. Honest.
Another step in the right direction is leaving your phone outside of the bedroom. OK so a lot of us need a phone for a morning alarm. But could we leave it on a locker away from the bed? And could we just keep one of them in the bedroom? Your phone could be getting in the way of the intimacy that keeps your relationship alive – and we don’t just mean in that way. Pillow talk is often the best talk of the day. You’ll talk about your hopes, fears and favourite food in the same sitting (lying). It’s intimate and it’s a space that nobody else has a place in (unless you co-sleep like us, but that’s for another day).
Written by Tracey Quinn staff writer at FFHQ who also blogs at www.loveofliving.ie.