I've accepted my anxiety about myself, limitations and all, but I desperately hope my child does not inherit it from me.
I am no good around “adventurous” things. I don't go on water slides at the water park. Instead I pay the cover fee and act as the glorified photographer. I wince every time my husband sets off down a water slide. A fully grown functioning adult human. I'm closing my eyes and looking the other way visualising the ambulance being called. I can see the blood already.
The same can be said for fair ground rides. I am brutal. My arm can be twisted for a go on the walsters but that's as wild as it gets for me. I'd be perfectly happy with an adult sized “teacups” ride actually.
I find myself being worse than ever since my son came along and naturally that was always going to happen. There is so much more at stake now. I am responsible for another person. It is my job and role in life to keep my child safe at all times. It is unthinkable to imagine something happening to him. Not on my watch.
I'm pretty confident about my choices when it comes to the things I am comfortable doing. I don't mind that my family and friends laugh at me when I stick to the safer (boring) option in the above situations. It doesn't bother me and I'll join in on the banter.
It gets a little blurry when it comes to my son though. Until now it's been pretty straight forward but he's three now. We're going to more parties, events and days out. We're exposed to more bouncy castles, rides and water. I find myself feeling exceptionally anxious around it all. There is a thin line between protecting my son and holding him back and I find it really difficult to navigate through it all.
I want to keep my child safe but I also want him to be a confident independent person. I don't want him to fear things the way I do. To worry as often as I do. I want him to be smart but to live a life with a little more adventure than his Mammy knows. It's easier said than done but I'm working on it!