Teenage years can be tough for the teen and the parents. This parent gives us her account of her grumpy teen and her great advice...
Why is my teenager so grumpy?
I wish I had all the answers and I wish I knew why my teen is grumpy most of the time. Some mornings I greet her “Good morning” and she just grunts at me, and slopes out of the kitchen escaping me and my greetings! Maybe she isn’t a morning person but then why does she come back from school exactly in the same mood? And that is before I even ask her to help with the dinner or occupy her sibling for a half hour! At times she can be caring, loving and gentle and the next thing I know she snaps about the silliest things and bang, thud, bash, bang again! Phew it is so much hard work, it is literally like walking on egg shells and tip toeing around her so I don’t set off the beast!
Do you remember what it was like to be a teenager? Well I do and it was nasty! I was angry mostly at who I didn’t even know and the more I got shouted at the more I screamed back! That’s why I’m testing out the softly softly approach with my teen, and keeping a good relationship with each other however challenging at times. The less I get angry and het up the less she tries to wind me up!
Teens are usually very sensitive to criticism and can’t take being the butt of jokes, well who does when hormonal?! A lot of the grumpiness seems to come from frustration and anxiety, growing up is hard. It is even more difficult now for teens than it was for us, social media, pictures and constant texting etc. They are trying to fit in and be accepted and we should support them fully and help them, as building up that trust is vital. After a while if it is obvious your teen doesn’t or won’t talk to you, offer an alternative like a family friend that they respect, trust and care for, someone that knows your teen well and will steer them right. However make it clear if your teen is talking to others that they know you are their parent and are here to help if they need it.
Teens are never going to be perfect and they need to develop and make mistakes along the way. It can be a hard life lesson but one we must all learn. Of course they need boundaries and rules to keep them in line and that might cause arguments, but you need to be clear about your reasons and also need to listen to your teens objections. A good debate never hurt anyone! Always try to have reason in your objections for instance “you could have gone to the party but you haven’t tidied your room or done all your chores”.
Even while you will inevitably get mad at each other through the teen years, you should ensure your teen feels loved and protected. It is important their home is a haven and they feel comfortable away from the stress of school especially when exams start!
Like all periods of our children’s lives, they only stay in that chapter for so long. Quickly, they will be adults and all grown up. Although there are days and weeks where it’s tough… persevere! x
Kindly submitted by a FFHQ reader and mum.