It is never the most pleasant experience but it is oh so important
January is Cervical Cancer Awareness Month. According to Cervical Check, during the 2013/2014 period, over 25,000 Irish women had a low-grade abnormality detected and over 5,421 women had a high-grade abnormality. Fifty-nine women were diagnosed with cervical cancer.
I received a letter from Cervical Check after my daughter was born to remind me I was due a smear test. Here are a few of the thoughts I had during the whole process.
- I can't do this; I just had a tooth out. That's enough invasiveness for one week I think. Yes. I'll reschedule.
- It's been 8 years; I really need to do this. I've read so many stories about young women getting cervical cancer and wishing they had gone for their smears earlier. God, I really shouldn't have let this go for so long.
- Shower! Bad enough the nurse has to do this at all. Least I can do is shower.
- Right. I'm here. Let's get this done.
- Maybe I should have tidied up? Nah, surely she won't give two hoots. I'm not quite “70s chic,” just yet.
- Why did I have to wear skinny jeans and Doc Martens? These are so awkward to get out of.
- Goosebumps on my bum, how attractive. Bad enough this white derrière hasn't seen a day of sunlight in years but, now it's all chicken like.
- This must be the worst part of this nurse's job. How are all gynecologists not celibate? Would you not be sick of looking at it?
- Oh that clamp thingy. We meet again. Yes, I remember you. I will accommodate you but only because it’s for my benefit.
- No amount of lube is going to make this comfortable, lady. Went in without any issue though! Guess that was enough lube.
- F**k! That’s cold. I didn’t remember how cold it was. Jaysus.
- This hurts. Quite a lot. Maybe I still have that erosion on my cervix from when I was pregnant? What does that even mean? They never really explained that well at the hospital.
- Make appointment with female GP about this. Surely it shouldn't hurt this much.
- Discharge? Yes. Isn’t that normal? Doesn't everyone get that?
- Phew, it's out. Thank God for that. Don’t have to do that for another three years.
- How long of a wait?! They are still sending them to America? We really need more resources here.
- No, my period hasn't returned. Go breastfeeding!
- I wonder will that affect the results? Must Google that later.
- I won't leave it so long next time. God. That was quite stupid of me, leaving it this long. I would be killing my friends if they left it this long.
- Hmmm. I wonder when my husband will start getting prostate checks? LOL-in my head. So. LOLIMH? I don’t know.
- Right. That wasn’t so bad after all. The dentist was so much worse. I feel like I should treat myself now. What’s an appropriate reward for a smear test? New knickers? Cake? Mmmmm cake.
- Ok. I’m hungry now. I wonder what’s there to eat at home.