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Let’s Play ‘Never Ever Have I...’- The Parent Version

Let’s Play ‘Never Ever Have I...’- The Parent Version

shocked parent
Let’s play ‘Never Ever Have I’ parent version :
 
What you will need:
  • More than one parent, so your partner can play too.
  • A fresh coffee . Wine if it’s after wine o clock - you decide what wine o clock is, we won’t/don’t judge.  
  • Never ever have I (for every statement , if it’s true, drink that coffee/wine)
‘Never Ever Have I’ ...
  • Used the baby’s pushchair to get through a crowded store.
  • Used the toddler’s pushchair to carry shopping rather than the toddler.
  • Lied about the child’s age to pay a cheaper entrance fee.
  • Used the child to get out of commitments I/you  had previously made.
  • Told bare faced lies to the child.
  • Threw out the darlings artwork as soon as their backs were turned, then blamed someone else after the said artwork was found in the bin.
  • Put a towel under the child , because they wet the bed too late at night and I/you were too tired to change the whole bed.
  • Picked buggers out of the child’s nose, then corrected them for doing the very same thing hours later or even minutes later .
  • Stepped over the vomit, leaving it there for my/ your partner to discover the vomit ‘first’.
  • Used the child’s wheelchair to move good folks who stand idly on a footpath having a nice chat, forcing the child and his chair onto the road.
  • Fed the kids whatever happened to be in the fridge because I/ you couldn’t face grocery shopping .
  • Mixed up the kids schools , had long winded conversations with the wrong principal.
  • Used the child’s disability to explain my/your tardiness .
  • Had to delete a beautiful picture of the child because of the other child in the background walking around with a poop hanging out of his/her nappy.
  • Used the child’s disability to skip a queue . (Two gulps of coffee/wine required here- that’s a bad one)
  • Pretended the screaming toddler was my/your  nephew rather than my /your son ( two gulps, that’s bad too)
  • Let Netflix mind the kids
  • Sent the child to school in the same socks as yesterday ; catching up on washing can be a time consuming business.
  • Used baby wipes to clean uniforms which didn’t quite make it into the washing machine over the weekend.
  • Let the child eat the dropped biscuit
  • Broke something ( the TV..shhh) and blamed whichever kid was nearest to me/you at the time
  • Forgotten an important meeting -  blamed the kids
  • Passed wind and blamed/implied it was the child (come on, who hasn’t?!)
  • Ate treats before dinner and scolded the child for doing the same thing
  • Excitedly looked through the child’s Halloween bag, secretly picking out my/your favorite treats while sending the child to bed for the night.
To be honest, this game could go on forever, so I decided I’d stop when I ran out of coffee/wine ….
 
Disclaimer: I have not done or tried to do ALL of the above; it’s just a coincidence that I have ran out of coffee.
 
Written by Ger Renton, who keeps us up to date on her crazy family life with Ethan & co.
Follow her on facebook at "It’s me and Ethan" and check out her amazing blog at geraldinerenton.com