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Irish mum gives us her her take on the differences between Mums and Dads in child-raising styles

Irish mum gives us her her take on the differences between Mums and Dads in child-raising styles

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One of our mam readers gives us her her take on the differences between-the-sexes in child-raising styles 
 
I am a Mammy for many years and the other day it occurred to me how different my Partner and I are (in terms of our parenting styles). It started me thinking about how through the years I have criticised his parenting at times but how he has never ever questioned me or put me down. Even though he probably had these thoughts, he kept them to himself, where as I would berate him straight away and cause an argument. How wrong I was? We are just parents with a huge amount of opinions, and sometimes I am wrong and I know that now! We are quite simply-- different!
 
When I look at our situation, I am more the caregiver and gentler/softer with the kids, and my other half is more into playing and doing activities. While the kids love running around with their energetic Daddy, when they hurt their knee it will be me they run to as they know I’ll patch it up and cuddle and kiss them, whereas their Dad might just say “get on up, you be alright”!
 
I am usually more verbal with the kids explaining why they can’t do this and that, and when they ask “where do babies come from" I will do my very best to give them the answer without scarring them! Daddy however is less verbal and keep his answers brief and moves on quickly! Or he says “ask your Mam”!
 
My partner will openly admit that patience is something he has, so when our children are in the middle of tantrums and arguments he is visibly fuming! If we are in a shop and a tantrum occurs over a toy, I’ll negotiate with our 3 year old why they can’t have the toy and agree how they might next time if they behave better…  however their Dad says “no way, never ever are you allowed that toy with this carry on, we are leaving now”! I am not saying one is right and the other is wrong- just different.
 
What mam doesn’t baby talk to their child? A lot of us do it without even noticing! “Who the best wittle boy/girl” you know the type of talk! My kids Dad never does this. He is more conventional and chats away to our children in the same way as to anyone. This is actually really beneficial to our children as it helps them in making and understanding conversations. I find that being direct with our children does them no harm at all, for example- they need to know about stranger dangers and you can’t baby talk these subjects.
 
When our children fall over I will jump hoops to get to them and feel every single bit of their pain. If they call for me I run to their demands whether it is an emergency or not- most of the time my kids just need a drink! My hubbie takes a more laid back approach. I guess that this will teach them independence as he’ll show them where to get a drink from, and when they fall, he will check they are ok but won’t overreact either! It’s a good balance as while I’m panicking over my child’s cough, my partner is there reassuring me that they will be fine.
 
My kids Dad is hilarious and fun to be around, he loves making a fool of himself! He’ll cycle on their small bikes or try on silly hats, whereas I am a bit more reserved! I am organised and will make sure their clothes are laid out and ensure they will look fabulous once dressed. Their Dad? Well he will try his very best but unless I want our little girl in a fashion awkward outfit, it is probably better if I plan her clothes for him if I am out / away! As for doing my little girls hair, have you ever seen a grown man tie up hair? Funny funny!
 
When I was pregnant I read, and read some more on everything from giving birth to parenting! When the kids came, I studied and studied some more trying to master the art of parenting! My husband used his instincts and never worried about being a parent, he took it as it was and dealt with it! While I was there reading why my toddler kept running away in the shops, my partner decided to buy reigns for our toddler! For him, problem solved!
 
Working together to blend your parenting styles takes a lot of work and specific focus. But the positive impact on your children as you try to effectively co-parents can be truly amazing and worth all the work. Put your children first, recognize that different styles are not bad, just different, and communicate together as parents and you will find this whole parenting business a much more rewarding process for both x